Tinkerisk:

 

„Trump tells the truth.“

 

And all the Trump bibles burst into flames...

Tinkerisk:

 

„Trump tells the truth.“

 

Nomination confirmed for the Nobel Joke Prize

A post was removed. A racist joke is not a joke.

An old man goes to his doctor and says 'Doctor, I can’t stop farting. They’re silent with no smell, but I’ve let out 20 in the past 5 minutes sitting here.

The doctor gives him some pills and tells him to come back next week. 

The next week the old man comes back and says 'Doctor, I took the pills, the farts are still silent but now they stink!'

The doctor says 'great! We’ve cleared your sinuses…now let’s work on your hearing!'

… and now for some local news. A thief has stolen the wheels off a cop car.

The police are working tirelessly to nab the culprit.

eracode:

 

… and now for some local news. A thief has stolen the wheels off a cop car.

 

The police are working tirelessly to nab the culprit.

 

I heard they also smashed up all the toilets at the cop shop, and now the police have nothing to go on.

kiwifidget:

 

I heard they also smashed up all the toilets at the cop shop, and now the police have nothing to go on.

 

Ah yes - The Two Ronnies from back in the day. Brilliant.

Someone drilled a hole through the fence at a nudist colony

The police are looking into it.

Got woken up recently by the loud sound of my neighbour vomiting.

I banged on the wall and shouted “Keep it down!”

Mate: Apparently it’s not true that that US actress got stabbed - what’s her name … Reese…?

Me: Witherspoon?

Mate: No no - with a knife.

eracode:

 

Mate: Apparently it’s not true that that US actress got stabbed - what’s her name … Reece…?

 

Me: Witherspoon?

 

Mate: No no - with a knife.

 

I often pull out the quote from the old Robin Hood movie --

'I'm going to cut his heart out with a spoon!'

'Why a spoon, cousin?'

'Because it's dull, you twit! It'll hurt more!'

ǝlʇɹnʇ: dləɥ

Me: Here you go

Turtle: Thanks.

eracode:

 

Mate: Apparently it’s not true that that US actress got stabbed - what’s her name … Reece…?

 

Me: Witherspoon?

 

Mate: No no - with a knife.

 

MadEngineer:

 

eracode:

 

Mate: Apparently it’s not true that that US actress got stabbed - what’s her name … Reece…?

 

Me: Witherspoon?

 

Mate: No no - with a knife.

 

Tried this joke at work but as soon as I mentioned US actress everyone cut me off and called out WiThErSpOoN

 

🤔 - I don’t get the CAPS.

Google: alternating caps meme.