General Mental Health Thread

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#2910949 6-May-2022 12:40

gzt: That discussion does not belong in the mental health topic. Please create a new topic to go into that.

agree but statements like this

The law in NZ around self defence has been of great concern to me for many years and it's only getting worse. When you have regular prosecutions by the police against people defending themselves against home invasions, burglaries etc, something is fundamentally broken with the system IMO.

is fearmongering and unless called out perpetuates a feeling of unease and worry. We simply don't have a situation where people that have used reasonable force to protect themselves from being attacked are being prosecuted and convicted and it is not something that people should be worried about.

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GV27

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#2910983 6-May-2022 13:20

maoriboy:

I may have to swallow my pride and get a minimum wage job somewhere and hope for the best in the mean time.

If you've got the money spare, get your forklift license and your F endorsement.

Seriously. It's a skill and people pay extra for it. It might not sound glamorous but it will let you slot in a fair whack above minimum wage while you try to find something else.

I'm a finance professional and I'm looking for a chance to redo my operator cert and retain my F. Having it as a 'job I can get tomorrow if I need to' option helps me sleep at night.

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#2911076 6-May-2022 15:14

GV27:
maoriboy:

I may have to swallow my pride and get a minimum wage job somewhere and hope for the best in the mean time.

If you've got the money spare, get your forklift license and your F endorsement.

Seriously. It's a skill and people pay extra for it. It might not sound glamorous but it will let you slot in a fair whack above minimum wage while you try to find something else.

I'm a finance professional and I'm looking for a chance to redo my operator cert and retain my F. Having it as a 'job I can get tomorrow if I need to' option helps me sleep at night.

I used to drive (amongst other things) an all terrain forklift in my farming days. Also a normal forklift in my student fill in jobs.

Maybe I should do that. It’d be fun too.

Eva888

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#2911150 6-May-2022 19:10

maoriboy: It's been close to two months now since I lost my job and very little interest from any of the applications. As someone who has worked for most of his adult life, I find it weirdly disconcerting. The lack of social interaction I would usually get at work has also disappeared (mostly my fault being the introvert that I am, but covid certainly hasn't helped). It's all getting a bit much to be fair and I can't see an easy way out of it. I may have to swallow my pride and get a minimum wage job somewhere and hope for the best in the mean time.

Sorry to hear that, don’t forget this is just a temporary setback.

While you are waiting, consider doing some volunteer work for a society you respect or hospice etc. It looks good on your CV and is a commendable thing to do. It brings you in contact with people who know people. It will broaden your outlook and make you feel good about yourself. Google volunteering at Hospice. Often volunteer work is a door to a paying job. I know two people who have become permanent staff by volunteering.

Best of luck.

Rikkitic

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#2914253 15-May-2022 17:05

According to this, Geekzone may be bad for us.

Plesse igmore amd axxept applogies in adbance fir anu typos

Lias

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#2938412 5-Jul-2022 10:14

The mother of my kids and I were estranged, but after several years of separation for the last few we had been sharing a house and co-parenting. She ended up in hospital on Wednesday night unexpectedly, was recovering well but on Sunday experienced complications and is now in palliative ICU. In a few hours or days I'm going to be a 44 year old solo dad to 2 tweens one of whom is a neurodivergent child already struggling with their own mental health after being excluded. My head is just spinning with my own grief, trying to support the kids, finances, funerals etc. I'm lucky to have good family support and my employer has been amazing but right now the weight of the world feels incredibly heavy.

I'm a geek, a gamer, a dad, a Quic user, and an IT Professional. I have a full rack home lab, size 15 feet, an epic beard and Asperger's. I'm a bit of a Cypherpunk, who believes information wants to be free and the Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it. If you use my Quic signup you can also use the code R570394EKGIZ8 for free setup.

networkn

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#2938413 5-Jul-2022 10:21

Lias:

The mother of my kids and I were estranged, but after several years of separation for the last few we had been sharing a house and co-parenting. She ended up in hospital on Wednesday night unexpectedly, was recovering well but on Sunday experienced complications and is now in palliative ICU. In a few hours or days I'm going to be a 44 year old solo dad to 2 tweens one of whom is a neurodivergent child already struggling with their own mental health after being excluded. My head is just spinning with my own grief, trying to support the kids, finances, funerals etc. I'm lucky to have good family support and my employer has been amazing but right now the weight of the world feels incredibly heavy.

I am so incredibly sorry for your situation, that sounds incredibly tough.

Whilst it will be hard to comprehend right now, you don't have to be 100% strong all the time. It's ok and healthy for people (including your kids) to see you grieving.

To help things from becoming overwhelming, work out what the actual real priorities are (not the nice to haves or even really nice to have, but totally essential) like sleep, food etc.

Break down things into smaller more manageable chunks, even time. My mother used to say, 1 day at a time, or 1 hour, or 1 minute.

If there is anything I can do, please let me know, but of course, we are here, without judgement, in case you want/need to share.

In the slightly longer term, one thing that happens often when a parent loses a co-parent, is people become scared about talking about the person who has gone. In reality, whilst initially it might feel like a way to keep the pain away, it's the opposite of the truth in the long term.

Keep talking about her if it feels right, make sure your kids know it's OK to talk about her, even if it's painful. It helps everyone remember the good and the bad, and helps with the process.

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Rikkitic

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#2938443 5-Jul-2022 11:12

I don't even know what to say about something like this. I am really sorry about your situation. It sounds incredibly unfair. Hopefully your family support network can help you get through it. Maybe the Geekzone community can also help a little, if only through sharing. If nothing else, you will find sympathetic ears here. I wish I could offer practical advice but I think @networkn has said anything I can think of. Take things one at a time so it is less overwhelming. You will get through this.

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maoriboy

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#2938491 5-Jul-2022 12:20

I'm sorry to hear of the situation you now find yourself in Lias. There really is no way to prepare yourself for something like this. @networkn said it best so I'm not going to repeat what was said. Do yell out if there is any way that we can help. Take care of yourself and your kids.

Eva888

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#2938506 5-Jul-2022 13:26

@Lias what a tough and sad situation to be in. Truly sorry to hear your plight and I wish you courage and fortitude to get through the next few weeks and to find a way to help the kids cope as well. Your doctor can arrange for some free counselling for you which may help. I’m glad you have support around you.

Just reading your words brought tears to my eyes so I can only imagine the pain and despair you must be feeling. Remember this will pass.

If you are a Wellington person and ever just need the ears of a stranger and a cup of tea or some practical support with the tweens just PM. We have a tween grandchild and are well set up for it.

MikeB4

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#2938511 5-Jul-2022 13:48

Lias:

The mother of my kids and I were estranged, but after several years of separation for the last few we had been sharing a house and co-parenting. She ended up in hospital on Wednesday night unexpectedly, was recovering well but on Sunday experienced complications and is now in palliative ICU. In a few hours or days I'm going to be a 44 year old solo dad to 2 tweens one of whom is a neurodivergent child already struggling with their own mental health after being excluded. My head is just spinning with my own grief, trying to support the kids, finances, funerals etc. I'm lucky to have good family support and my employer has been amazing but right now the weight of the world feels incredibly heavy.

A heavy weight is so much easier to bear when it is shared. Let friends and family and especially your children help. I have over the years been taken back by the support and help given to me by my sons even when they were young, kids can be incredibly resilient and understanding. Remember it is ok to scream, cry and take time out but always remember to let people in.

Lias

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#2938583 5-Jul-2022 16:55

I think I'm managing with the grieving, I learnt the hard way many years ago not to bottle up grief, so I'm letting myself cry. I internally deliberated about posting on here, but I think it will help my grieving process.

I have zero appetite but I've been remembering to eat sometimes, probably not as much as I should be but enough to get by (and hey some weight loss will just be a fringe benefit)

We have been talking about her (and to her as she is still awake at this point), and remembering, and crying and sometimes laughing. No fear that we won't talk about her, we will remember the good times, and maybe even the not so good if it feels right.

My non austitic child has made it their mission to hug me everytime I get sad, which is often. It helps. My neurodivergent child feels like they are withdrawing into themselves more than grieving which does worry me, but I will work through that with their clinicians.

@Eva888 yes I'm out in Kapiti, if I feel the need I may take you up on that cuppa. Thank you.

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#2938586 5-Jul-2022 16:58

Rikkitic:

According to this, Geekzone may be bad for us.

it's true. when i get too stressed on SM i just cool of for a day or so.

i think everyone is different, most people are ok, but sometimes it happens to some people.

gzt

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#2938599 5-Jul-2022 17:44

I'm sorry to hear that Lias. Please discuss anything you or the children need and I will try to assist. The only tip I can offer for kids is distractions are sometimes good to take a break from a long process.

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#2938609 5-Jul-2022 18:34

Lias it's really sad to read what's happened. There's really nothing to be said that hasn't been said already other than best wishes and I really hope you are all ok.

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