By law, you must turn on your headlights when it rains in Sweden.

How the hell am I am supposed to know when its raining in Sweden?!

Why dont orphans play baseball ?

Because they don't have a home.

Where should you go when you're cold?

In the corner, it's 90 degrees.

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need..none of this how did you get in my house nonsense!

My wife has just thrown five cricket balls at me.

I've told her one more and it's over.

I've been hunting for all the missing Monopoly pieces after a mid-game tantrum - but sadly, no dice.

On The Rock today:

I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull.  I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ........but they kind of taste like peppermint.

I once dated a girl with a lazy eye.

I always thought she was seeing someone on the side.

“Your deadliest enemy is a possum”

MadEngineer:

 

“Your deadliest enemy is a possum”

 

Given the circumstances I thought that was very funny!

MadEngineer:

 

“Your deadliest enemy is a possum”

 

We need Drop Bears....

„Trump tells the truth.“