General Mental Health Thread

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#3106533 21-Jul-2023 09:36

@Stu very sorry for your loss. Border Collies are really special animals. Especially difficult when you are trying to hold your emotions in. You won’t be fooling anyone so just let it out and talk about it with the family so all of you can share the grief.

If you plan to get a new pet you can intentionally bring this up often to move away from the sadder subject. Make lists of potential names and if it will be a baby or older pet etc, which new toys to buy for it etc.

When bad stuff happens I try to count blessings and feel grateful, remembering there are always much worse things happening to other people lives, especially kids. It won’t take away the pain but can help put perspective on the situation.

Hope this sadness diminishes soon for all of you.

outdoorsnz

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#3106606 21-Jul-2023 10:58

Stu: Another one way trip to the vet for this thread. Our Border Collie. Our best mate for a little shy of 15 years. Our walking pal, and my gardening buddy. Trying to hold it together for the rest of the family here at home has utterly failed. Even though we knew that, at his age, this was coming sooner rather than later, it's been a difficult end to a difficult day. The coming days and weeks aren't going to be easy.

Very sorry for your loss. I lost my dog Katy a year and bit ago, for me an unexpected vet trip and boy it was tough for those first few weeks! It still is even now. Talking to other dog owners helped me quite a bit. And going for a few walks where I took my dog was confronting but it did help. Might sound hard just right now, but going for a wee break away will really help. Thoughts are with you.

Stu

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#3106624 21-Jul-2023 11:51

Thanks folks. Some kind and wise words there. Yes, this will take a while, but we have some most excellent memories, videos, and photographs to remember the good times. Cheers all.

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Keep calm, and carry on posting.

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#3110007 31-Jul-2023 11:49

On top of it being the 1 year anniversary last week, today has seen the hits keep coming. I'm sick, my daughter was late getting ready for school, my mum told me she's having her dog put down today, I spilt breakfast all over myself, my mate who's fighting in Ukraine got pretty badly hurt in an ambush, and that was all before 9am.. Then I get a phone call from school, my son has had a meltdown and hit his teacher and TA and needed to be collected.

I'm staying to stay positive, I have two amazing kids, a great job, I don't live in a warzone, and I (okay the bank) finally own my own house, but yesh could the universe back off for a minute please. To quote Ivanova "I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate."

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#3110011 31-Jul-2023 11:55

Lias:

On top of it being the 1 year anniversary last week, today has seen the hits keep coming. I'm sick, my daughter was late getting ready for school, my mum told me she's having her dog put down today, I spilt breakfast all over myself, my mate who's fighting in Ukraine got pretty badly hurt in an ambush, and that was all before 9am.. Then I get a phone call from school, my son has had a meltdown and hit his teacher and TA and needed to be collected.

I'm staying to stay positive, I have two amazing kids, a great job, I don't live in a warzone, and I (okay the bank) finally own my own house, but yesh could the universe back off for a minute please. To quote Ivanova "I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate."

Man, you really put my troubles into perspective.

Stay strong. Be strong for the kids and for yourself.

I can only wish you well. I trust it will all get better at some point.

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deepred

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#3307094 8-Nov-2024 23:13

Anyone else having compounding mental health issues right now, where it feels like multiple things are pushing you down?

First off, I'll explain where I am right now.

Since finishing up a fixed-tem contract in the public sector, the job market has been slim pickings, including but not limited to the Capital, and in fairness lots of people are in the same boat. Being neuro-divergent makes the barriers taller. In the meantime, I'm subsisting on piecemeal side-hustles doing online testing, which at least keeps MSD off my back. I built up a fair amount of bank savings for the rainy day that's since come, my credit card is fully paid off, and changing my KiwiSaver provider yielded greater returns. My material needs, such as clothes electronic goods, are already mostly met. That said, I'm still treading water while another full-time opportunity awaits, and I'm still a long way off retirement age.

I have a number of interests & hobbies to turn to, including gaming and creating art & 3D models, but often I'm feeling too droopy to do a lot of that right now. Often I find it difficult to fall asleep, and feel like staying in bed into the afternoon. At least I'm not having a gaming addiction issue.

Troubling world events sure as hell haven't been helping either, despite our distance from them. I'm trying to minimise the doomscrolling, but there are times when it forces itself in your face and is impossible to avoid. Being of NZ-born Chinese descent, there's a real risk that the rising climate of greed & intolerance will make its presence felt here. That crushing sense of powerlessness to fix problems outside of one's control is strong.

Yet it's not like I haven't been self-caring.

I'm already on anti-depressants, but I might see my GP if I need something stronger. I do drink booze, but in moderation and not regularly. I frequently check nutrition labels to resist the temptation to binge-eat. I've already spoken to a mental health counsellor over the phone. I go to monthly bar outings organised by the local autistic professionals' network, but I'll probably need more face-to-face contact than that. I'm registered with Autism NZ, who I got my fixed-term contract job through, and recently gotten back in touch with.

And still I'm feeling more deflated than a punctured soccer ball. I know there's a way out of it somewhere, but I'm still looking for it.

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#3307103 9-Nov-2024 07:19

deepred:

Being of NZ-born Chinese descent, there's a real risk that the rising climate of greed & intolerance will make its presence felt here.

Have you considered moving to Auckland? I believe that's less likely to make itself felt up here.

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#3307127 9-Nov-2024 10:12

@deepred You are not alone in feeling this way and constant wind and cold weather aren’t helping lift your mood either. I am hearing this a lot from others sick of the weather in Wellington. As mentioned above maybe a move out of Wellington would bring some relief to all aspects of your life. Sun and warmth are so healing. Today is particularly grey and bleak.

You sound very intelligent and sensible in your approach to life so give yourself a pat on the back that you are smart enough to understand the impact of constant bad news on your well being and have learned when to switch it off.

Have you considered joining some dance clubs or Tai Chi classes to broaden your range of acquaintances, Hash house Harriers is also a good way to exercise and make friends. Your local Community Center will have a programme of events that you could join in with and many are free or gold coin. Maybe avoid the stronger medication route and try distraction first. Everything feels better when you have friends or clubs to attend and you suddenly realise that most people have similar sorts of problems and feelings and you aren’t alone in this.

While you aren’t working long hours also consider some volunteer work. This will give you a purpose and make you feel good about yourself. It can also open doors to paid work. Cancer Society always need volunteer drivers and help with the costs. Basically get out of the house.

It’s also good to have something positive that you enjoy doing to force switch your mind to when sleep doesn’t come. When the brain wanders to darker thoughts I purposefully force my mind to think of a hobby or situation I enjoy and keep focussing on this.

Back in the days of my youth, you hardly ever heard of people labelled so precisely as they are today. It was simply acknowledged that all people were different and had quirks and foibles and you just accepted these as normal, so I’ve never liked labelling anyone. I’m sure that Einstein, Thomas Jefferson, Charles Darwin, Isaac Newton weren’t labeled neuro anything in those days and there weren’t medications either.

Strictly my personal opinion and maybe controversial is that a diagnosis based on an assessment that can’t be precisely defined and which promptly labels you for life is often not helpful for a young persons self esteem. It can also be a difficult weight to carry around once pronounced.
What is neuro-typical anyway?

The world keeps moving so focus only on things that spark joy for you and don’t beat yourself up about situations you can’t change and that will eventually become irrelevant. You sound like a really kind and decent person so wear that badge with pride and seriously consider chasing some sun. Even a day without wind can lift your mood considerably. I noticed this when we were in Sydney for a break and desperately wanted to move there. You have the very undervalued gift of youth and years ahead of you to make small changes in your life that will lift your mood and make you happy so make some positive decisions towards this and you will feel more in control of your destiny.

gzt

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#3307132 9-Nov-2024 11:08

deepred: I have a number of interests & hobbies to turn to, including gaming and creating art & 3D models, but often I'm feeling too droopy to do a lot of that right now. Often I find it difficult to fall asleep, and feel like staying in bed into the afternoon. At least I'm not having a gaming addiction issue.

One thing surprising thing about office work, there is usually some activity involved in getting there. Driving in or using the train and back, both for me added up to a couple of km walking, and some stair work, morning and evening.

Working from home I feel so much healthier in a number of ways : )

That minor exercise as part of the daily grind is missing. Also, I've just recalled I used to run morning before breakfast and sometimes in the evening. Less than a km (old knee problem) but enough speed or hill challenge to get the system pumping. Walking, it would be just as useful. An exercise routine does not have to be long to be effective.

deepred

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#3307296 9-Nov-2024 16:21

cddt:

deepred:

Being of NZ-born Chinese descent, there's a real risk that the rising climate of greed & intolerance will make its presence felt here.

Have you considered moving to Auckland? I believe that's less likely to make itself felt up here.

From my experience, in Wellington you generally have to look pretty hard to find any racial hostility, so I'm generally happy staying. As for jobs issues, the capital isn't alone, and I'd prefer not to add to Auckland's traffic issues...

https://waateanews.com/2024/11/08/balancing-budgets-or-breaking-communities-the-real-cost-of-job-losses/

deepred

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#3308191 12-Nov-2024 16:42

2 sunny days in a row, both with the fan turned on for the first time in weeks if not months.

Received payment for my side hustles, as small as they are they're still better than nothing.

Got back in touch with an old friend from 20+ years back.

All the above have made me feel slightly better.

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#3308235 12-Nov-2024 18:45

I am really happy to hear things have taken an upward tilt.

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#3308401 13-Nov-2024 09:16

The end of 2023 to mid 2024 was a gloomy period for me, having gone through a breakup with my now ex other half after being together for 20 years.

I’m beginning to pick myself up in the last few months: moving to a new place, small promotion at work as well as adopting a kitten a couple of months ago (who acts like a teenager 😅). She has been helping me keep my mind off stuff a lot. First time cat parent and we’re both starting to settle in nicely into our routines.

Sending everyone lots of support, it’s tough out there but so many things to be grateful for too 😊

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#3308449 13-Nov-2024 10:53

The emotional benefits brought by animals is extraordinary. I don't know how I would cope with the pressures of life without regular snuggles from adorable fur babies.

Eva888

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#3308451 13-Nov-2024 11:01

alasta:

The emotional benefits brought by animals is extraordinary. I don't know how I would cope with the pressures of life without regular snuggles from adorable fur babies.

News this morning that foster parents are urgently needed for kittens. Good time to have a trial run.

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