90% of all electric vehicles are still on the road today.

The other 10% made it all the way home.

A man being tried for murder happens to know one of the jurors. Before jury deliberation, the man finds a way to contact his friend and emphatically demands that he vote for life in prison with the possibility of parole. The friend agrees.

The jury deliberates for a week and returns a verdict of guilty with life imprisonment. The convicted man phones his friend and asks why it took so long for the verdict.

His friend says, "It took me a long time to convince the other jurors for life imprisonment."

"Why is that?"

"Because they wanted to acquit you!"

Question: Are National anthems just Country music ?

Police are looking for a dwarf who is claiming to be a psychic ...... ie they are looking for a small medium at large.

MadEngineer: The family asked me to stop with all the Christmas puns.

They were rather upset when I told them I couldn’t quit cold turkey.

Technically, you did what they asked. That's a thanksgiving joke. 

Interviewer: "Can you explain this four year gap in your CV?"

Me: "That's when I went to Yale."

Interviewer: "Impressive!  You're hired."

Me: "Thanks.  I really need this yob."

Everyone's heard of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer as the ninth reindeer, but many people don't know that there is a tenth one whose name was Olive.

"Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."

MadEngineer: Did you hear about the guy who got dragged into a Christmas pudding?

Yeaaaahhhh it was a strong currant.

Yep some of those pudding currants can be extremely nasty. They only live for one thing and dragging people in is their raisin d'être.

eracode:

 

MadEngineer: Did you hear about the guy who got dragged into a Christmas pudding?

Yeaaaahhhh it was a strong currant.

 

Yep some of those pudding currants can be extremely nasty. They only live for one thing and dragging people in is their raisin d'être.

 

Oh god really graping the bottom of the barrel there

SaltyNZ:

 

eracode:

 

MadEngineer: Did you hear about the guy who got dragged into a Christmas pudding?

Yeaaaahhhh it was a strong currant.

 

Yep some of those pudding currants can be extremely nasty. They only live for one thing and dragging people in is their raisin d'être.

 

 

Oh god really graping the bottom of the barrel there

 

Stop ya wining!

Not sure if this is a joke or a true story:

GRAMMAR LESSON

Is it "complete", "finished", or "completely finished"?  No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words - "Complete" or "Finished".

In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was: 'How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand?'  Some contestants said there was no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

Here is his astute answer:   "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

„If I talk to you in the morning before my first coffee, you are important or in danger.“