That was the moment when I switched on the reduction gear and differential lock on my 4x4.

eracode:

 

A randy young cowherd was leaning on the fence, flirting and chatting up the pretty young dairy-maid, when a bull mounted a cow in the pasture next to them.

 

He smiled lasciviously and said “Mmm - I wish it was me doing that”.

 

She replied “Well you can if you like - it’s your cow”.

 

Very similar to one of my personal favs (might even be in this thread already):

Dad & Dave were sitting on the lounge watching the dog lick it's balls.

"Gee dad," says Dave, "you know, sometimes I wish I could do that."

"Well, you can if you like," says Dad. "Just remember to pat him first."

What do you call a beehive with no exits? 

Unbeeleaveable ! :) 

eracode:

 

 

Ahhhh. Took me quite a while to figure that one out ...

I first thought that they were a new way of differentiating male and female sexes... but no ...

For the past 20 years I've been getting a Valentines card from the same secret admirer.

So I was pretty damn gutted when I didn't get one this year.  First my granny dies and now this...😞

My wife purchased an occasional table.  Perfect for a pot plant apparently.  Not sure what it's going to do the rest of the time.

Two wind turbines on a hill. One says to the other “What sort of music do you like?”

 The other replies “Well, I’m a big metal fan.”

^

Chemist in town is a bit weird. I went in and asked some deodorant but she asked if it was for my balls or aresole 

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off

MadEngineer:

 

Chemist in town is a bit weird. I went in and asked some deodorant but she asked if it was for my balls or aresole 

 

Something lost in translation here?

Nope. Took me a few seconds to see it.

MadEngineer:

 

My wife purchased an occasional table.  Perfect for a pot plant apparently.  Not sure what it's going to do the rest of the time.

 

I do love an occasional joke. 

People who sell furniture just dont get it.

On television: Trump.
On the radio: Trump.
On the internet: Trump.
I'm afraid to open my fridge.