Silly joke thread

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#2096343 25-Sep-2018 18:12

eracode:
In the UK, some supermarkets have admitted that there is horse meat in their home cooked burgers.

Even places like Burger King have had to admit that there are "small amounts" of horse meat in their burgers.

Tesco is a big supermarket chain in the UK

Within hours of the news that Tesco's 'all beef hamburgers' contained 30% horse meat, these quips hit the Internet

I don't know why there was such a fuss. Horse is perfectly fit for human consumption and is sold in French supermarkets. I've eaten it many times.

tdgeek

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#2096384 25-Sep-2018 19:37

eracode:

In the UK, some supermarkets have admitted that there is horse meat in their home cooked burgers.

Even places like Burger King have had to admit that there are "small amounts" of horse meat in their burgers.

Tesco is a big supermarket chain in the UK

Within hours of the news that Tesco's 'all beef hamburgers' contained 30% horse meat, these quips hit the Internet

"I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse..... I guess Tesco just listened!

Anyone want a burger from Tesco? Yay or neigh?

Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle

Waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my Burger. So I had £5 each way!

Had some burgers from Tesco for my tea last night. I still have a bit between my teeth.

A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat burgers from Tesco. Her condition is said to be stable.

Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn

"I've just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer ... "AND THEY'RE OFF!"

Tesco now forced to deny the presence of zebra in burgers, as shoppers confuse barcodes for serving suggestions.

Said to the missus, "These Tesco burgers give me the trots...

"To beef or not to beef, that is equestrian".....

A cow walks into a bar. Barman says, "Why the long face?". Cow says "Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!"

I hear the smaller version of those Tesco burgers make great horse d'oeuvres.

These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit...Talk about flogging a dead horse.

Last night the wife made meatloaf, so I had dinner with two nags.

Instead of choosing "rare, medium or well done, it's now Win, Place or Show"

LOL I worked through the post hoping there is no stable comment... Dang!

Fred99

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#2096452 25-Sep-2018 21:43

Horse walks into a bar. Barman says 'sorry mate, we don't serve food in here'

elpenguino

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#2096454 25-Sep-2018 22:09

Geektastic:

I don't know why there was such a fuss. Horse is perfectly fit for human consumption and is sold in French supermarkets. I've eaten it many times.

And so have most Britons, by the sound of it :-)

Most of the posters in this thread are just like chimpanzees on MDMA, full of feelings of bonhomie, joy, and optimism. Fred99 8/4/21

elpenguino

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#2096455 25-Sep-2018 22:10

My son told me this joke recently:

What do you do with a kid that can't focus?

Send him to a concentration camp.

Most of the posters in this thread are just like chimpanzees on MDMA, full of feelings of bonhomie, joy, and optimism. Fred99 8/4/21

Geektastic

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#2097157 26-Sep-2018 23:15

elpenguino:
Geektastic:

I don't know why there was such a fuss. Horse is perfectly fit for human consumption and is sold in French supermarkets. I've eaten it many times.

And so have most Britons, by the sound of it :-)

But that's my point. So what? It's not like the meat is unfit to eat.

eracode

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#2097163 26-Sep-2018 23:54

It was the line about zebras and barcode serving suggestions that really got me.

Sometimes I just sit and think. Other times I just sit.

elpenguino

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#2097164 27-Sep-2018 00:02

Geektastic:
elpenguino:

Geektastic:

I don't know why there was such a fuss. Horse is perfectly fit for human consumption and is sold in French supermarkets. I've eaten it many times.

And so have most Britons, by the sound of it :-)

So what?

They thought they were getting beef / donkey / goat / dog or something non-horsey. That's what.

Most of the posters in this thread are just like chimpanzees on MDMA, full of feelings of bonhomie, joy, and optimism. Fred99 8/4/21

eracode

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#2097292 27-Sep-2018 10:32

eracode: It was the line about zebras and barcode serving suggestions that really got me.

I laughed until I was horse.

Sometimes I just sit and think. Other times I just sit.

networkn

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#2097303 27-Sep-2018 10:48

eracode:
eracode: It was the line about zebras and barcode serving suggestions that really got me.

I laughed until I was horse.

Don't you mean hoars... oh wait, I see what you did there. :)

nunz

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#2097664 27-Sep-2018 18:04

Song lyrics.
My wife said my nose is dripping.

I said, 'really its not'

(Say it aloud).
**********************************************

A young man goes to his rabbi and says
'Rabbi i want to live forever'

The rabbi replies, 'my son, get married. '

The young man asks, 'will that teach me the secret of eternal life? ' to which the rabbi replies, 'no... you'll no longer want to live for ever. '

(Apologies to my beautiful... and very patient wife)

eracode

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#2097671 27-Sep-2018 18:17

During my recent check-up I asked the Doctor :

“Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?"

He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."

I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke”.

Sometimes I just sit and think. Other times I just sit.

nunz

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#2097674 27-Sep-2018 18:23

kiwirock:
Why do they put walls or fences around grave yards?

'Cause people are dying to get in.

If there are no walls or fences on the internet then why do we need windows and gates?

nunz

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#2097681 27-Sep-2018 18:48

BlueShift:
Why is a psycho ex like a box of chocolates?

They'll kill your dog.

The ideas that chocolates kill dogs is a viscious rumour spread by cats

nunz

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#2097686 27-Sep-2018 19:06

Rikkitic:
How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, it's a hardware problem.

How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2 but goodness knows how they got in there.

How many social workers does our take to change alight bulb?

One but the light bulb has gotta want to change.

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