What do you do if you see a spaceman?

Park in it, man.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are sitting at a bar and each order a pint of beer. All three pints arrive with a fly floating in them.

The Englishman demands a fresh pint of beer from the bartender.

The Irishman shrugs and drinks it any way.

The Scotsman shouts "spit it back out, ya bastard!"

translated from Russian:

"While visiting daughter asked her for a newspaper. It is 21 Century, Dad - use my iPad, she said. Well, the fly did not realised what killed it ...

The wife's birthday was coming up and I asked her what she'd like. She said "something compact and shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about three seconds."

So I got her some bathroom scales. The doctors say that I'll probably walk again one day.

My colleague asked me for a joke to cheer her up yesterday, so I turned this thread (thanks!) as my brain went completely blank.  She returned the favour this morning with this:

"Why does the Swedish navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So when they come back into port, they can Scandinavian."

A neutron walked into a bar and ordered a beer/

"How much for the beer?"

"For you, no charge."

Lizard1977:

 

My colleague asked me for a joke to cheer her up yesterday, so I turned this thread (thanks!) as my brain went completely blank.  She returned the favour this morning with this:

 

"Why does the Swedish navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?

 

So when they come back into port, they can Scandinavian."

 

 

 

My wife my office had a great laugh (and groan) at this. Thanks, awesome. 

Eye test chart for pirates

I tell Dad Jokes, but I have no kids.

I'm a faux pa.

I could tell you a joke about UDP, but I don't know if you'd get it.  

timmmay:

 

I could tell you a joke about UDP, but I don't know if you'd get it.  

 

Heh, that made me laugh. I know of a backup product called UDP that's a joke too.

timmmay:

 

I could tell you a joke about UDP, but I don't know if you'd get it.  

 

Now that is a geeky joke !

Geek starts job at McDonalds. A customer asked him for a Big Mac and he gave him a bit of paper with FF:FF:FF:FF:FF:FF written on it.