Parents - how are you monitoring/controlling your teenagers access to social media?

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KDee

71 posts

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#295577 7-Apr-2022 16:25

An issue I've been researching lately is the increase in cyberbullying, depression, suicidal tendencies etc in teenagers, primarily linked to the increase in usage of internet connected devices, social media and "screen time", combined with the massive decrease in face-to-face socialising compared to previous decades.

My question for Geekzone parents is: what are you doing to create a safe environment for your teenagers when it comes to internet access and social media.

Do you have systems in place - web filtering, screen time limits, app limits etc to monitor and control what they're doing and when they can do it?

Or are you more hands off and trust your kids to do the right thing?

Have you noticed any negative changes in your kids since they started using social media? Or perhaps you've seen positive changes?

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Geek @ Coastguard NZ
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#2898290 7-Apr-2022 18:57

Pretty much leave them to it, but swipe their devices occasionally to check whats been going on.

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blackjack17

1705 posts

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#2898316 7-Apr-2022 19:41

As a teacher I would highly advise that parents do not allow access to devices after a set time and consider preventing access to devices in their rooms.

I know of way too many students that are on their devices way past midnight, that can barely function during the day due to sleep deprivation.

Social media is designed to trigger dopamine release and students are well and truly addicted to it (not saying that adults aren't but they are harder to control).

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blackjack17

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#2898318 7-Apr-2022 19:46

Will just add.

Kids will get past any blocking software/hardware limits you introduce, even if it is by using a second device and their own data. The key is developing relationships with the kids so that they know why the rules are in place so that even if they disagree with them they can see your side and will follow the rules (most of the time). The students i have with rules such as no devices after x time or no devices in the bedroom hate the rules but will admit (never to their parents) that the rules are probably for the best.

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KDee

71 posts

Master Geek

#2898323 7-Apr-2022 19:51

blackjack17:

As a teacher I would highly advise that parents do not allow access to devices after a set time and consider preventing access to devices in their rooms.

I know of way too many students that are on their devices way past midnight, that can barely function during the day due to sleep deprivation.

Social media is designed to trigger dopamine release and students are well and truly addicted to it (not saying that adults aren't but they are harder to control).

Yep, great point. I've read studies/research showing kids are up until the wee hours of the morning on the phones, hiding under the covers to be as covert as possible.

What are the rules around kids and phones during class? I would have thought phones go straight into a tote tray or cubby or locker or whatever the "thing" is today (it's been a long time since I was at school!). Surely kids aren't allowed to use them during class? Do the rules change per teacher/class or is it a school-wide thing they have to abide by?

blackjack17

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#2898326 7-Apr-2022 20:21

KDee:

blackjack17:

As a teacher I would highly advise that parents do not allow access to devices after a set time and consider preventing access to devices in their rooms.

I know of way too many students that are on their devices way past midnight, that can barely function during the day due to sleep deprivation.

Social media is designed to trigger dopamine release and students are well and truly addicted to it (not saying that adults aren't but they are harder to control).

Yep, great point. I've read studies/research showing kids are up until the wee hours of the morning on the phones, hiding under the covers to be as covert as possible.

What are the rules around kids and phones during class? I would have thought phones go straight into a tote tray or cubby or locker or whatever the "thing" is today (it's been a long time since I was at school!). Surely kids aren't allowed to use them during class? Do the rules change per teacher/class or is it a school-wide thing they have to abide by?

Every school has different rules and even within a school they have different rules between year levels/subjects and teachers.

Myself I am a little free when it comes to students with devices, provided they are keeping up, doing the work and not being too distracted I will let it slide, but I only teach year 11 and above and I have a pretty good relationship with my students. If I need to take a phone off a student they realise it is because they have been abusing the privilege and they hand it over, they also know that if they hand it over they will get it back at the end of the lesson, if they refuse the dean and their parents will get involved and they might lose their phones for weeks.

I will also do phone free lessons/days every now and again and students will always get more engaged once the phone becomes a non-option (it loses it's novelty if extended for too long).

At the end of the day I want the students working with me, rather than me forcing them in a particular direction (although depending on the student this can be the only option).

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gabba

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#2898349 7-Apr-2022 22:39

We have used Bark for a few years and found it really good.

Referral link(referral pmt if you sign up)

https://www.bark.us/signup?ref=MFXMCQ3

It will go through all the social media posts as well as the likes of Gmail and report on any concerning words, phrases, abbreviations etc. You will get a report and you can then have a conversation about it with your child.

In short it saves alot of time sifting through laptops and phones on the off chance you might spot something.

Cheers

KDee

71 posts

Master Geek

#2898350 7-Apr-2022 22:42

gabba: We have used Bark for a few years and found it really good.

Referral link(referral pmt if you sign up)

https://www.bark.us/signup?ref=MFXMCQ3

It will go through all the social media posts as well as the likes of Gmail and report on any concerning words, phrases, abbreviations etc. You will get a report and you can then have a conversation about it with your child.

In short it saves alot of time sifting through laptops and phones on the off chance you might spot something.

Cheers

Not available in NZ? https://support.bark.us/hc/en-us/articles/360049965072-International-Availability

Samsung

Shop now on Samsung phones, tablets, TVs and more (affiliate link).

gabba

84 posts

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#2898351 7-Apr-2022 23:20

They do a couple of products. The link above refers to Bark Home which is a hardware based solution. It
it is only supported in South Africa and the US I'm guessing maybe due to wireless frequencies.

Going that route is fine if you only want to manage devices around home. Not so useful for phones!

They also do a software solution called Bark Premium and thats what we are using. Theres also a cheaper one with less features. Both plans work without being tied to the one wireless network ie will work on school network as well as home.

Support wise I've only contacted them a couple of times in the 3 or so years we've used the product. No issues about being NZ based, and I've found them pretty helpful.

Only thing I haven't been able to solve yet is running Google Family link with it on a chromebook. There are instructions in their help pages but I've never got them to co exist! Other wise no other issues

Tinkerisk

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#2898361 8-Apr-2022 01:55

I never had to control anything. Being a role model as an adult and engaging with the children, on the other hand, was crucial. Today, they deal with the media in a normal and appropriate way and also question their intentions.

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jonathan18

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#2898425 8-Apr-2022 07:52

Tinkerisk:

I never had to control anything. Being a role model as an adult and engaging with the children, on the other hand, was crucial. Today, they deal with the media in a normal and appropriate way and also question their intentions.

If only it was that simple all the time... I'm glad it was for you, but the reality is that parental and family influence only goes so far. It's well-documented that this typically starts to wain as a child gets older, to the point where wider factors (especially their contemporaries) may be more of an influence. Yep, good, open and honest parenting will provide a great base, and helps as a grounding when/if things do go 'wrong', but it's often not enough.

I recall similar posts on other threads and, as a parent that's had to deal with a worrying amount of this sh!t with their kid, it's not particularly helpful.

Sometimes active intervention is required despite parental efforts in doing the right thing since day one - you'd probably feel that if you'd found your kid sending d1ckpics at the age of 13.

Tinkerisk

4227 posts

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#2898440 8-Apr-2022 08:35

jonathan18:

Sometimes active intervention is required despite parental efforts in doing the right thing since day one - you'd probably feel that if you'd found your kid sending d1ckpics at the age of 13.

You call it ‚sometime intervention‘, I call it permanent education. So it‘s up to the parents. Find a school were smartphones (and social media) are banned for all (including parents visiting the school) in general. There is NO need to participate on ‚social media’ for youngsters but for a true social environment. Again - it starts with the adults.

Geektastic

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#2898457 8-Apr-2022 09:28

KDee:
blackjack17:

As a teacher I would highly advise that parents do not allow access to devices after a set time and consider preventing access to devices in their rooms.

I know of way too many students that are on their devices way past midnight, that can barely function during the day due to sleep deprivation.

Social media is designed to trigger dopamine release and students are well and truly addicted to it (not saying that adults aren't but they are harder to control).

Yep, great point. I've read studies/research showing kids are up until the wee hours of the morning on the phones, hiding under the covers to be as covert as possible.

What are the rules around kids and phones during class? I would have thought phones go straight into a tote tray or cubby or locker or whatever the "thing" is today (it's been a long time since I was at school!). Surely kids aren't allowed to use them during class? Do the rules change per teacher/class or is it a school-wide thing they have to abide by?

I used to read books under the cover with a torch!

Just shows how things have changed. Fortunately not a problem I have to manage but I suspect I’d be very draconian about it.

KDee

71 posts

Master Geek

#2898464 8-Apr-2022 09:49

It seems the general consensus is screen time - specifically social media - is bad for kids.

Most parents I've talked to agree, if they had the choice of social media being available to their kids or not, they'd get rid of it.

Most kids I've talked to agree. They know it's bad for them! But they're addicted...

Facebook internally acknowledge Instagram is bad for kids: https://www.cnbc.com/2021/09/14/facebook-documents-show-how-toxic-instagram-is-for-teens-wsj.html

Why isn't more being done to fix the issue? And we can't rely on Facebook creating "Instagram Kids" or whatever other gateway-drug-sounding solution they come up with. A company that relies on eyeballs and undivided attention is never going to be truly invested in fixing the problem.

elpenguino

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#2898465 8-Apr-2022 09:56

I'd urge other parents considering giving their kids their first device to at least use time related restrictions.

We were a bit late to this and found our oldest had stayed up all night surfing the phone a couple of times. As another poster said, most apps and web pages are designed 'for engagement' and kids aren't equipped to handle it.

You can use technical restrictions but the old 'your phone goes in this locked drawer at 8PM' also works.

I give them the lecture about healthy minds and bodies but the teenage mind can be remarkably impervious to parental advice.

I've got a range of device and network restrictions but they still do stupid things like get up to watch YT on the TV after everyone has gone to bed so you have to play whackamole if you want to stick to your guns.

As far as content goes, I dont go to that level. Once I told my son I had written a program that put all his online chats into a log which I reviewed - the look on his face was priceless.

Most of the posters in this thread are just like chimpanzees on MDMA, full of feelings of bonhomie, joy, and optimism. Fred99 8/4/21

jonathan18

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#2898469 8-Apr-2022 10:08

Tinkerisk:

jonathan18:

Sometimes active intervention is required despite parental efforts in doing the right thing since day one - you'd probably feel that if you'd found your kid sending d1ckpics at the age of 13.

You call it ‚sometime intervention‘, I call it permanent education. So it‘s up to the parents. Find a school were smartphones (and social media) are banned for all (including parents visiting the school) in general. There is NO need to participate on ‚social media’ for youngsters but for a true social environment. Again - it starts with the adults.

Not sure if you've deliberately misconstrued what I wrote, as I never called it 'sometime intervention' - my words are clearly "sometimes active intervention is required'; ie, for all the discussion and education one can do, active measures are needed.

It's also simply impractical and short-sighted to select a school based on whether they ban devices - many locations may not even have such a school, or even if they do other aspects of that school may be inappropriate (eg, I wouldn't be surprised if the local conservative boys' high school in my town has such a ban, but it's general ethos doesn't align with my family's; should I send my kid there just for this reason?).

Parenting is difficult. It's really not helped when arm-chair experts somehow think it's ok to present their own thoughts and experience as The Gospel. The worst is when those without kids do this!

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