Parents - how are you monitoring/controlling your teenagers access to social media?

Forums › Off topic › Parents - how are you monitoring/controlling your teenagers access to social media?

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Tinkerisk

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#2899095 9-Apr-2022 16:46

Handle9:

Economic resources. blackjack17 is a teacher at a private school.

I see. Steiner/Waldorf oriented schools are private schools as well.

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Handle9

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#2899097 9-Apr-2022 17:00

Tinkerisk:

Handle9:

Economic resources. blackjack17 is a teacher at a private school.

I see. Steiner/Waldorf oriented schools are private schools as well.

Not necessarily. In New Zealand a number of Steiner schools are publicly integrated and not private schools.

Germany and New Zealand are very different culturally and education is a bit different.

blackjack17

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#2899099 9-Apr-2022 17:09

Handle9:

Handle9: Economic resources. blackjack17 is a teacher at a private school.

Tinkerisk: I see. Steiner/Waldorf oriented schools are private schools as well.

Handle9: Not necessarily. In New Zealand a number of Steiner schools are publicly integrated and not private schools.

Germany and New Zealand are very different culturally and education is a bit different.

Handle9 has it right.

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Tinkerisk

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#2899101 9-Apr-2022 17:20

blackjack17:

Handle9 has it right.

I agree, thanks for clarification :-)

No offense: but sometimes I think in NZ everything is different from the ROW. ;-)

blackjack17

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#2899826 11-Apr-2022 13:11

Just spoke with my (very self aware) year 13s.

None of the parents use any software management or phone limitations on them any more. They are expected to self manage and provided they can maintain their grades and get up in the morning then they are left to their own devices :)

Disney circle https://meetcircle.com/ comes recommended and it is used by some of their parents for younger siblings.

Tiktok is the big social media followed by Instagram and snapchat. Facebook is for the grandparents (or as one put it so she can see her racist step grandfathers rants).

All of them see the issues with social media and have all at times felt they are spending too much time on their devices/social media. When they have internals due they will get their parents to "look after" their phone or otherwise make them inaccessible.

They also like being out of contact at times (although they will protest it at the time). All of our year 10s will spend a month at our remote campus with no access to computers or phones and the only communication with the outside world being with pen and paper.

Will follow up with year 12s and 11s. The 13s all said the year 9 and 10s are the worst years for social media addictions ...

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KDee

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#2899827 11-Apr-2022 13:16

blackjack17:

The 13s all said the year 9 and 10s are the worst years for social media addictions ...

That's quite an interesting observation. I grew up with "form" years back in the day so just to confirm, year 9 is 13/14 year olds - right? Equivalent of the old Form 3?

blackjack17

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#2899836 11-Apr-2022 13:32

KDee:

blackjack17:

The 13s all said the year 9 and 10s are the worst years for social media addictions ...

That's quite an interesting observation. I grew up with "form" years back in the day so just to confirm, year 9 is 13/14 year olds - right? Equivalent of the old Form 3?

Yes Year 9 = Form 3 = 13/14 years old.

They saw it as worse then as having access to social media was still a new thing.

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KrazyKid

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#2899841 11-Apr-2022 13:40

Coming to this thread late - we offer minimal boundaries and try to communicate.

For our 13 year old all wifi is turned off to their devise at 9.30pm.
But they can use their devices (phone mainly) offline offline so when we walk past their room as we are going to about the house every so often we have to remind them to stop reading/music etc.

But other than that it is talking to them, eating dinner as a family at the table and listening in when they talk to siblings if we are passing :)

I mean all the kids at school use a VPN to bypass any restrictions there so that is 8 hours a day they can do what they want - you can't stop them going anywhere on the internet...

xpd

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#2899845 11-Apr-2022 14:08

Yup, my eldest (J) said everyone at school uses the school wifi but it dosent block any VPN, so they all have free VPN accounts and do what they want. Was wondering how she was getting onto my Plex server from school when they block plex.tv :D

J only signed up on Facebook very recently with our permission, and I found shes only using it for Messenger and the occasional web app that reqs a FB account.

The youngest just uses Instagram and Messenger for kids at the social media level. Lives on Youtube for the rest of it ;)

We had issues with them both access things like Tiktok, some in-appropriate material was viewed/shared etc, so we asked them to stay off it, which they have.

Overall, theyre both getting to the ages now where they understand the implication of viewing inappropriate material and sharing it etc. They might find it amusing but others might not.

Neither of them understand how the internet works, just that they need ethernet or wifi to get it. J wouldnt be interested in knowing as shes heavily into her guitar/bass, and the other wouldnt get it at this point or care probably...... I might sit down with them next week (week off, wooohooo!!) and explain some basics and see what happens :)

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blackjack17

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#2899951 11-Apr-2022 16:55

Year 11s and 12s were all similar. Not one of them have parents that use software to track online use, but they all have at least one friend whose parent's do and they have all identified the hole in the system, they would just use a second unknown device.

All of my students have iphones and so parents can track through apple find my phone and many are friends on snap chat so could track through that.

Our school is pretty good at knocking down vpns, to the extent that they don't even try and just use their own data.(a good proportion never connect to school wifi as most social media is blocked).

Almost all of them appreciate forced breaks from the internet / social media.

Average phone usage for the past week ranged from 58mins to 3 hours 45, with one student being on tiktok for over 9 hours last Saturday.

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surfisup1000

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#2917804 24-May-2022 09:32

blackjack17:

Just spoke with my (very self aware) year 13s.

None of the parents use any software management or phone limitations on them any more. They are expected to self manage and provided they can maintain their grades and get up in the morning then they are left to their own devices :)

Disney circle https://meetcircle.com/ comes recommended and it is used by some of their parents for younger siblings.

Tiktok is the big social media followed by Instagram and snapchat. Facebook is for the grandparents (or as one put it so she can see her racist step grandfathers rants).

All of them see the issues with social media and have all at times felt they are spending too much time on their devices/social media. When they have internals due they will get their parents to "look after" their phone or otherwise make them inaccessible.

They also like being out of contact at times (although they will protest it at the time). All of our year 10s will spend a month at our remote campus with no access to computers or phones and the only communication with the outside world being with pen and paper.

Will follow up with year 12s and 11s. The 13s all said the year 9 and 10s are the worst years for social media addictions ...

My daughter is addicted to the phone. We can't take it off her, she runs away from home rather than lose the phone. She got a job, and bought her own phone and plan so we can't control it.

Schools are the worst, they actively encourage phone use by students.

I now believe there is no reason for any kid under 18 to own a smart phone. Some might be able to handle it, a large number of kids can't.

One reason behind declining mental health in young people is the ownership of a smartphone. They're all online encouraging each other to hurt themselves.

It is almost akin to supplying kids with drugs.

openmedia

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#2917813 24-May-2022 10:11

We used Google's Family Link to control what could/couldn't be installed on the phone as well as screen time.

One backdoor to be aware off are features like Samsung's Secure folder which allows a second Android Account, eg a school one, which means the child can install other software etc. Hence we had to block the Secure Folder App

Generally known online as OpenMedia, now working for Red Hat APAC as a Technology Evangelist and Portfolio Architect. Still playing with MythTV and digital media on the side.

shk292

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#2917819 24-May-2022 10:25

surfisup1000:

My daughter is addicted to the phone. We can't take it off her, she runs away from home rather than lose the phone. She got a job, and bought her own phone and plan so we can't control it.

Schools are the worst, they actively encourage phone use by students.

I now believe there is no reason for any kid under 18 to own a smart phone. Some might be able to handle it, a large number of kids can't.

One reason behind declining mental health in young people is the ownership of a smartphone. They're all online encouraging each other to hurt themselves.

It is almost akin to supplying kids with drugs.

Wow, that's an extreme and slightly hysterical view. I have 18 and 16-yo kids and from what I've seen, their interaction via smartphone is a perfectly normal feature of their social life. I would worry about making them into social pariahs or attracting an Amish label by removing smart phones until 18. I'd also worry that people don't become magically different on their 18th birthday and so going from idyllic social isolation to full immersion would bring other risks.

Perhaps better communication in the home leads to better interaction outside of it...

xpd

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#2917823 24-May-2022 10:36

Yeah, before mobile phones it was general internet access, before that, POTS phone, and so on........ you can pick anything over history to say " look at the downward effect on young people".....

Its just the modern take that's all. Education to the kids is encouraged but will always be those to do what they want.

Gavin / xpd / FastRaccoon / Geek of Coastguard New Zealand

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blackjack17

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#2917963 24-May-2022 13:33

surfisup1000:

My daughter is addicted to the phone. We can't take it off her, she runs away from home rather than lose the phone. She got a job, and bought her own phone and plan so we can't control it.

Schools are the worst, they actively encourage phone use by students.

I now believe there is no reason for any kid under 18 to own a smart phone. Some might be able to handle it, a large number of kids can't.

One reason behind declining mental health in young people is the ownership of a smartphone. They're all online encouraging each other to hurt themselves.

It is almost akin to supplying kids with drugs.

I feel for you I really do. Some teenagers truly are addicted to the connection that social media brings. But is unfair of you to blame the schools. Schools have very little power over the use and ownership of phones in schools, Even being able to confiscate phones is a legal grey area and even if you have the support of the school and community then what do if the student refuses? are you going to argue with a student in front or 30 odd teenagers? And to be fair most students develop healthy relationships with their phone. They are very useful tools, they allow students to communicate and access information in ways that have never been possible before.

You state that you have no control over your daughter in regards to the phone. I would suggest (and not in an unkind way) that this is a parenting / addiction issue rather than a phone issue. Have you sought therapy for either yourselves or your daughter? She might feel that her only connections are those online. If you have been badgering her about it it might have become an issue (in her mind) placing you against her friends and for a teenage girl her social network is the most important thing in the world. But I am not a therapist nor do I know your particular situation.

Small breaks from social media can be helpful and even my most phone addicted students appreciate breaks from their phones (although not often at the time)

Things you could try (and once again I have no idea of your situation)

a weekend away in a known dead zone
a phone free dinner a couple of times a week where you make her the centre of attention (without being patronising)
a movie night/dinner out (phone free)
a shared hobby that you can't/minimally use your phones (one of my students goes for runs on a Saturday morning with her dad, she takes her phone but only for tracking and selfies, another goes fishing)

But if you truly think it is an addiction then seek help, if it was drugs, alcohol, porn then I am sure you would be seeing a therapist.

Children need to learn a health relationship with social media and devices and this relationship need to be taught/modelled and this can't be expected to be the sole domain of schools. Social media is not going away.

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