First, Telecom. Their ad depicts this kid who is obsessed by a turtle. He talks to it incessantly. “Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah!” The turtle remains immobile and unblinking, while a bloke, presumably the kid’s father looks on proudly. But there is good reason to believe that the kid has signs of early psychosis and is in need of treatment from a psychiatrist. In addition, the immobility of the unblinking turtle suggests that it is either a statue or stuffed (?with cabbage). Presuming that the ad got past the Children’s Commissioner and the RSPCA, we have to ask the question as to how the ad encourages interest in Telecoms $19 plan?

As for Vodafone, their ad depicts a Maori youth talking to a callow young customer rep, who is labelled “Ninja”. Now, if you google ‘Ninja functions’ you get “espionage, sabotage, infiltration and assassination”. Now, none of these abilities is likely to be helpful in customer relations. In addition, you are told that the Ninja is able to become invisible at will and, having been a customer in a few Vodafone stores, I can verify that staff can be at your shoulder one minute and have disappeared the next, never to be seen again! Does the ad encourage you to join Vodafone?

I have a conspiracy theory that the “ad-men” were children in the 80’s and 90’s and were fans of a TV series,“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”. Now all “grown-up”(?), they have utilised their childhood passion, but the juxtaposition of Ninja and Turtle may imply the future amalgamation of Vodafone and Telecom!