I finally got a smartphone, and it ended up being an ex-display Moto G (1st gen). I didn't realize it had no SD card slot (what the hell were they thinking? I know they rectified this in the 2nd gen, but my ancient feature phones all have SD slots, as did all the poverty spec smart phones I was looking at. It never even occurred to me that a 2013 phone wouldn't have one). Anyway, even in hindsight it was worth the trade-off (because I got it so cheap), but this omission is a royal PITA.

I see it can do USB "OTG" storage, so this might be it's redemption. I'm just having difficulty finding a cable/attachment that I deem acceptable. Every cable I've seen is useless, because it sticks out too far to be usable actually 'on the go' (in your pocket). There's far too much leverage, and the port will end up being destroyed. The closest I found were these kinds of 180 degree plugs, but they still protrude too much, and they're all the wrong way around for the Moto G:

Maybe I just don't know the right terminology to search, but what I really want is an extremely low profile 90 degree plug with a very thin ribbon cable to fold up the back of the phone. I've seen wireless charger pads for the phone like this:

What I want is a plug and cable that resembles that, only carrying USB OTG. Then I could just strap a thin USB flash drive or card reader to the back of the phone. Does such a cable exist?