The difference between a goldfish and a goat - one mucks around the fountain.

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

To get to the bottom!

Masochist in chains, screaming "lash me - lash me" to whip-wielding sadist.

"No".

Oscar Pistorious apologised for shooting his girlfriend.

He said it was dark and he couldn't see two feet in front of him.

My mom asked me the other day if I'd heard that grandad had gotten himself burned?

I asked how bad it was?

"Well, they don't mess about at the crematorium"

DarthKermit:

 

Oscar Pistorious apologised for shooting his girlfriend.

 

He said it was dark and he couldn't see two feet in front of him.

 

Horse and cow in the paddock, chewing the cud, discussing topical issues, 1/4" TRS jacks vs exploding batteries, Hillary's health, house prices.

Dog comes bounding over, panting and shaking "excuse me ladies, I'm a bit lost, would you be so kind as to direct me to the sheep yard at Tucker's farm".

Horse reels in amazement, turns to cow, "look - a talking dog".

I visited the zoo the other day, but they only had one dog on display.

It was a Shih Tzu

How did the elephant get an electric shock?

He stood on a bun and the currant went up his leg.

Sam91:

 

DarthKermit:

 

Oscar Pistorious apologised for shooting his girlfriend.

 

He said it was dark and he couldn't see two feet in front of him.

 

Your joke reminded me of this.

 

I laughed. 

But I knew Oscar Pistorius was going to be found guilty... he didn't have a leg to stand on.

BlueShift:

 

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

 

 

 

To get to the bottom!

 

How do you make a sausage roll?

Let it go at the top of a hill

Why do they put walls or fences around grave yards?

'Cause people are dying to get in.