Child free by choice or otherwise

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846 posts

Ultimate Geek

#1986557 31-Mar-2018 20:50

I knew I wanted a kid/s but often thought about waiting for the "right time". I then realised there's no right time... My main driver was not wanting to be too old so I can throw a ball, run around etc. A child is both the most amazing and most stressful thing in the world!

I know some people much older than me that never had children. It's not really a topic that comes up but I get the impression it's by choice, however, you get to a point where that choice is taken from you anyway.

DarthKermit

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#1986562 31-Mar-2018 21:10

epr: Was going to say inflammatory things but will just say no children.

Thanks for not saying anything inflammatory. It's a very personal choice and I'm not going to knock anyone else's choice to breed or not (assuming both nature and personal circumstances allow).

I have a cousin and she and her husband can't have children. I do feel sympathy for them even though I've never wanted any of my own rugrats, nor my gene set passed on to anyone else.

CutCutCut

1039 posts

Uber Geek

#1986563 31-Mar-2018 21:10

I'd never considered not having kids. I don't know why exactly that is. They are hard work, some more than others, and parenting is relentless, but it is also can be the most rewarding and satisfying thing in life. Once you know them it's hard to consider life without them, and at the same time it's also extremely hard, nearly impossible, to fully understand what life is like with kids if you never have any. I do understand people not wanting to have any, it's not for everyone.

Peamsable

98 posts

Master Geek
Inactive user

#1986574 31-Mar-2018 21:30

We have two girls, 11 and 8. We decided we wanted kids, but would not do the whole fertility treatment or IVF thing if it did not happen naturally. That is to say we were not going to be devastated if things didn’t work out.

We also decided that two was the the absolute maximum, for sanity and financial reasons. Have had the snip, no going back!!! (Hmmmm I may be oversharing)

I should add that we are very happy the way things worked out, but I’m sure there is another version of ourselves out there in the multiverse equally happy with no kids.

DarthKermit

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#1986576 31-Mar-2018 21:39

The trouble as I see it is what if you didn't like them? Once they're born, it's too late to change your mind.

froob

692 posts

Ultimate Geek

Lifetime subscriber

#1986598 31-Mar-2018 22:22

DarthKermit:
The trouble as I see it is what if you didn't like them? Once they're born, it's too late to change your mind.

When they are born, they are basically ridiculously cute, to trick you into loving them.

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elpenguino

3425 posts

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#1986601 31-Mar-2018 22:37

DarthKermit:

The trouble as I see it is what if you didn't like them? Once they're born, it's too late to change your mind.

Nah, just take em down the fire station and drop em off, then go get a kitten or a motobike.

I can see both sides of the coin, having reproduced and having friends who didn't.

I think for me the question is one of why am i here on this earth. If not to follow biological programming, (check) then is it get a big telly and go on holidays? (cross cross).

They do grow into little blessings and it's a delight seeing each one develop their talents.

There is a lot of people on the earth and a few less kiwis reproducing doesn't really matter much to the big picture. You need to be talking to those guys>>>> (psst I'm talking about you India and China).

Most of the posters in this thread are just like chimpanzees on MDMA, full of feelings of bonhomie, joy, and optimism. Fred99 8/4/21

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kiwifidget

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#1986604 31-Mar-2018 22:56

No kids, not remotely maternal. Made my divorce a lot easier.

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dejadeadnz

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#1986607 31-Mar-2018 23:21

We love kids. Don't intend to have any of our own -- will adopt and/or foster children. I find kids far, far more likeable any day of the week than most adults. Their intellectual curiosity, innocence and general cuteness far outweigh what most adults bring to this world.

Also can't stand children haters. I respect people's choice to have kids or not but can't stand people who immediately scowl and moan at kids running around whilst having nothing to say over a table of drunk babyboomers making a racket at restaurants etc.

Aredwood

3885 posts

Uber Geek

#1986608 31-Mar-2018 23:33

Sorry if this annoys some members, But I have no intention of having kids. I am not willing to get into a long term relationship due to the relationship properties act. It is just too risky for me.

Sure, I like kids. My Friends (especially the Pacific Islander ones) Ask me when I'm going to have kids (or at least get a missus). But that will probably never happen for me.

I Bought my own house in Auckland at 22 years old. Spending over 80% of my income on the mortgage repayments. Sorry but I'm not willing to risk half of my house to a relationship property split.

Lias

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#1986623 31-Mar-2018 23:59

Became a step dad in my 20's and a few years later had 2 of my own. They are expensive, frustrating, noisy, time consuming, and I wouldn't change them for the world.

I'm a geek, a gamer, a dad, a Quic user, and an IT Professional. I have a full rack home lab, size 15 feet, an epic beard and Asperger's. I'm a bit of a Cypherpunk, who believes information wants to be free and the Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it. If you use my Quic signup you can also use the code R570394EKGIZ8 for free setup.

dejadeadnz

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#1986624 1-Apr-2018 00:04

Aredwood: Sorry if this annoys some members, But I have no intention of having kids. I am not willing to get into a long term relationship due to the relationship properties act. It is just too risky for me.

Sure, I like kids. My Friends (especially the Pacific Islander ones) Ask me when I'm going to have kids (or at least get a missus). But that will probably never happen for me.

I Bought my own house in Auckland at 22 years old. Spending over 80% of my income on the mortgage repayments. Sorry but I'm not willing to risk half of my house to a relationship property split.

Have a contracting out agreement prepared by a proper lawyer and insist on it being signed before you get married. Problem solved. Or settle the house into a trust now. Your worries are completely misconceived.

Edit: substitute "married" with getting into a long-term relationship that triggers the presumption of equal sharing, especially the sharing of the relationship home.

Geektastic

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#1986625 1-Apr-2018 00:09

Aredwood: Sorry if this annoys some members, But I have no intention of having kids. I am not willing to get into a long term relationship due to the relationship properties act. It is just too risky for me.

Sure, I like kids. My Friends (especially the Pacific Islander ones) Ask me when I'm going to have kids (or at least get a missus). But that will probably never happen for me.

I Bought my own house in Auckland at 22 years old. Spending over 80% of my income on the mortgage repayments. Sorry but I'm not willing to risk half of my house to a relationship property split.

Set up a trust and put the house in it? Take advice though.

Geektastic

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#1986627 1-Apr-2018 00:15

None (as if that will surprise anyone).

My wife was 40 and I was 37 when we met, which is far too old IMO to begin that sort of thing. I expect it was technically possible, but really not sensible to mix it in with emigrating to country you have no relatives in etc etc. as well as work and the fact that you generally have less energy and enthusiasm for that kind of thing later in life.

Aside from the fact that I just don't find them endearing and that the noise they make makes me want to tear my own ears off, no one has ever really managed to convince me of the benefits. You need to be convinced of the benefits before having them, I think.

DarthKermit

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#1986635 1-Apr-2018 00:55

Aredwood: Sorry if this annoys some members, But I have no intention of having kids. I am not willing to get into a long term relationship due to the relationship properties act. It is just too risky for me.

Sure, I like kids. My Friends (especially the Pacific Islander ones) Ask me when I'm going to have kids (or at least get a missus). But that will probably never happen for me.

I Bought my own house in Auckland at 22 years old. Spending over 80% of my income on the mortgage repayments. Sorry but I'm not willing to risk half of my house to a relationship property split.

Me and my partner purchased a house together in 2009 when I was 39 and she was 38. We signed a prenup contracting out of the relationship properties act. We never intended to have kids together anyway. There are ways to avoid a partner taking half of what is yours and having children thankfully.

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