Things that you hate about being a parent

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#2376724 17-Dec-2019 08:16

gcorgnet:

For me there are a bunch of things about (my) kids I find irritating.

First thing that comes to mind is the constant comparison between siblings. We (parents) make a conscious effort never to draw comparision between siblings (we h ave 1 boy, 1 girl) but for some reason, they constantly look at what/how much/how little the other one has... That or the random pointed questions: "Will xyz also be allowed that?"

Yeah, that one really gets me...there's always the "When will I get my share?" thing, if the older one has gone on a school trip or to a movie/concert etc...it all works out pretty even, so I don;t know what they are complaining about.

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MadEngineer

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#2376769 17-Dec-2019 09:16

quickymart:
One thing I don't like (I wouldn't quite say hate) about being a parent is there seems to be very little support for parents of children with special needs. There's no after-school care whatsoever, so we have to arrange this privately (which is very expensive - my other boy's school has this but his brother's school doesn't; if they did it would be a Godsend) and we get a sort of benefit for my son, the princely sum of $90 a fortnight. Yes, I know there are people out there where that kind of money would be great, but $45 a week doesn't stretch too far in this day and age.

Sorry if I sound like I'm whining here, just wish there was more support for those raising special needs kids.

my wife was doing paid care for someone with multiple kids with disabilities... I could be wrong but I got the impression there was some extra paid support available.

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surfisup1000

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#2376811 17-Dec-2019 09:57

Social networking and smartphones.

These are having a huge impact on teenage mental health. The principal of our college even mentioned this at the prize-giving ceremony.

I recommend parents disable Snapchat (the worst) on their kid's devices, put time limits on apps, and be vigilant if your teenager is spending too much time on their devices or in their bedroom. Especially between year 8 and year 12 .

Apple devices are good - you can set a separate parental control pin-code and control which apps are installed and time limits on existing apps. e.g, we let our daughter have 1hr per day on Instagram and no other social networking apps.

This type of addictive behaviour is far more common than people might think . . . social media is as addictive as drugs to some children. . .

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/tormented-mum-blames-social-media-19000392

Unfortunately, todays children are the first generation to be exposed to the combination of smartphones and 'snapchat' social networking apps. Many parents don't know what hit them.

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#2376863 17-Dec-2019 11:27

The weight gain.

Mike

MileHighKiwi

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#2376866 17-Dec-2019 11:33

I don’t really ‘hate’ anything about being a parent, but man, my kids can frustrate the hell out of me. I’m an impatient person at the best of times. My son is 3 and getting him to brush his teeth/put on shoes takes significantly longer than I think it should. Teeth brushing usually involves me chasing him around the house and dragging him from under the coffee table/Christmas tree/pantry etc, then carrying him to the bathroom. Then he will suck all the toothpaste of the brush, practically chew it like a dog with a bone, before I have to restrain him and brush them properly.

Bath time is fun too! We are toilet training and my son usually runs away after the bath and pees on the carpet. Last night it was in the hallway, the night before in the lounge. Thankfully he’s only done a #2 on the carpet once, and it was in his room. He refuses to poop in the toilet, we have sat there for 20 minutes before giving up, and 2 minutes after putting a nappy on he’s done one! Our daughter was pooping in the toilet at 2 and a half.

This morning he tried drinking the milk from his cereal and got it all over him, and the dining room chair. Cue a clothing change before rushing out the door for day-care. I wiped the chair but will clean it properly tonight, lol.

Our son is 3 so quite hard work with most things. Our daughter is 5 and much easier when it comes to shoes and teeth etc, but she’s developing quite an attitude. Last night she said I’m the stupidest daddy ever! She’s a daddy’s girl though and my son is a mummy’s boy, the big blouse!

I cracked up on the weekend though, I was washing the cars and my son wanted to help. While he was messing with the hose he squirted himself in the face and had the biggest meltdown.

Parenting is definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

SheriffNZ

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#2376869 17-Dec-2019 11:42

MileHighKiwi:

I don’t really ‘hate’ anything about being a parent, but man, my kids can frustrate the hell out of me. I’m an impatient person at the best of times. My son is 3 and getting him to brush his teeth/put on shoes takes significantly longer than I think it should. Teeth brushing usually involves me chasing him around the house and dragging him from under the coffee table/Christmas tree/pantry etc, then carrying him to the bathroom. Then he will suck all the toothpaste of the brush, practically chew it like a dog with a bone, before I have to restrain him and brush them properly.

Bath time is fun too! We are toilet training and my son usually runs away after the bath and pees on the carpet. Last night it was in the hallway, the night before in the lounge. Thankfully he’s only done a #2 on the carpet once, and it was in his room. He refuses to poop in the toilet, we have sat there for 20 minutes before giving up, and 2 minutes after putting a nappy on he’s done one! Our daughter was pooping in the toilet at 2 and a half.

This morning he tried drinking the milk from his cereal and got it all over him, and the dining room chair. Cue a clothing change before rushing out the door for day-care. I wiped the chair but will clean it properly tonight, lol.

Our son is 3 so quite hard work with most things. Our daughter is 5 and much easier when it comes to shoes and teeth etc, but she’s developing quite an attitude. Last night she said I’m the stupidest daddy ever! She’s a daddy’s girl though and my son is a mummy’s boy, the big blouse!

I cracked up on the weekend though, I was washing the cars and my son wanted to help. While he was messing with the hose he squirted himself in the face and had the biggest meltdown.

Parenting is definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

This brings back memories (from not so long ago, perhaps even this morning for some parts...).

I get the worse Dad ever calls from my son regularly. Then he asks me to put him to bed. He used to be 100% a daddy's boy, but now he's probably 70/30.

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#2376915 17-Dec-2019 12:00

MileHighKiwi:

Bath time is fun too! We are toilet training and my son usually runs away after the bath and pees on the carpet. Last night it was in the hallway, the night before in the lounge. Thankfully he’s only done a #2 on the carpet once, and it was in his room. He refuses to poop in the toilet, we have sat there for 20 minutes before giving up, and 2 minutes after putting a nappy on he’s done one! Our daughter was pooping in the toilet at 2 and a half.

This morning he tried drinking the milk from his cereal and got it all over him, and the dining room chair. Cue a clothing change before rushing out the door for day-care. I wiped the chair but will clean it properly tonight, lol.

Our son is 3 so quite hard work with most things. Our daughter is 5 and much easier when it comes to shoes and teeth etc, but she’s developing quite an attitude. Last night she said I’m the stupidest daddy ever! She’s a daddy’s girl though and my son is a mummy’s boy, the big blouse!

I cracked up on the weekend though, I was washing the cars and my son wanted to help. While he was messing with the hose he squirted himself in the face and had the biggest meltdown.

Parenting is definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

We found my son, who is our oldest, didn't want to poop in the toilet, my daughter mostly it was easier to train. My son is a kid who won't do anything unless he can get it perfect first time, my daughter is happy to try and fail. In the end despite the fact it grates me somewhat,

when things are challenging (and I mean seriously a struggle) we have put a short term reward in. With my Son it was Ice Cream after number 2's in the toilet. Never had an issue after that. We did it for 2 weeks and then pulled the pin on it.

What I have learned is that things we consider "easy" as adults are hard work for some kids. I don't work for free, and I'm ok with occasionally arranging "payment" for my kids "work".

My wife isn't THAT happy that both my kids are daddy's kids a fair bit (though they still love their Mummy time of course). I've worked hard to get a bond with them, and it's gratifying that it's me they want in the middle of the night, and I've earned that right, by being the one that gets up to them if they are sick in the middle of the night.

Like you, I find my kids a challenge some times, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

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quickymart

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#2377386 17-Dec-2019 23:13

MadEngineer:
quickymart:

One thing I don't like (I wouldn't quite say hate) about being a parent is there seems to be very little support for parents of children with special needs. There's no after-school care whatsoever, so we have to arrange this privately (which is very expensive - my other boy's school has this but his brother's school doesn't; if they did it would be a Godsend) and we get a sort of benefit for my son, the princely sum of $90 a fortnight. Yes, I know there are people out there where that kind of money would be great, but $45 a week doesn't stretch too far in this day and age.

Sorry if I sound like I'm whining here, just wish there was more support for those raising special needs kids.

my wife was doing paid care for someone with multiple kids with disabilities... I could be wrong but I got the impression there was some extra paid support available.

I looked into it, but as best as I can tell there's nothing on the North Shore. There's something in East Auckland, but nothing here that I could find :(

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#2377659 18-Dec-2019 12:09

grimwulf:

As a relatively new parent, and somewhat of a cliche given my partner stays at home to take care of our child, the worst thing for me is the guilt I feel every day when I head off to work.

And then, the guilt when I'm tired when I get home and don't feel like cooking dinner (and guilt myself into it) or when I roll over in the middle of the night (ostensibly because I have to get up for work in the morning) rather than going in to sit with the baby for an hour or so until he goes back to sleep.

Frankly, it's the guilt - not only in the time not spent with the little guy, but the knowledge that most of the weight of parenting is mostly on my partner's back (or boobs more precisely).

We discussed the working thing before the baby came of course, I earned more so should keep working, and the whole "boobs is best" thing that the midwives were pushing...

But yeah, it's the guilt that a big chunk of my time and energy is spent elsewhere - that's the worst thing - and the thing I really wasn't expecting.

It's just something I'm learning to accept, and compensate for, but rather than being the dad I'd always wanted myself to be, I'm the guy that is out early in the morning and just gets home in time for bath and bedtime stories.

Putting food on the table is essential of course, and I'm privileged to be in a position that we can have one income cover that (for now) - but I just know I'm going to regret missing this time with him - he's already toddling about!

I don't feel guilt but I feel awful I cannot share the load. My wife stays at home and struggles with our 4 month old day in day out and I'm at work. I can't do anything more but I have to work which means leaving her and the baby at times when she's very much not having a good start to the day. To top things off he usually vile during the day but sorts his mood out by the time I get home so I don't experience this shrieking little terror.

timmmay:

The feeling of being subsumed and not being a person any more, merely being an attendant to my child.

I had a day off the other day, with no wife or child from 8am to 4pm. I no longer have any hobbies, interests, or recreation. I read my book, did some cleaning, and felt like I was missing something. All I do these days is work, clean, cook, and look after the toddler, other than my once every two month drinks with a couple of friends. There's no time for anything else.

I have a demanding three year old. He's a great wee guy, but I feel that there should be something else to life.

My wife and I used to play games daily for about 1.5 hours. Now with the baby we've played for maybe 3 hours in the last 4 months. I chase time to play anything, but she just doesn't have that motivation to persue time to herself. To add to this there is the overall difficulty of just getting thingsdone. We have a massive garden so there is always something to be done. Whereas previously it was a chore and an agony (see gaming playing) to have to spend a day in the garden just doing things together, it's now an agony and a chore to just get out there to do anything because the baby needs to be watched. He's going through all the fun 4 month things and now will not sleep during the day for more than 20 minutes (and it can take an hour just get him to sleep for 20 minutes) at a time so even mowing the lawn in batches is a struggle.

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#2377662 18-Dec-2019 12:21

Young kids are tough, no doubt. I'm past that stage but would like to mention priorities and team work.

If you have to, let the grass grow - your nipper will not stay small for long so enjoy this short period.

But also, if you have friends or rellies in the area, don't be too proud to ask someone over to push your mower around (or whatever high priority you have) and have a coffee afterwards. During tough times like this you find out who your real friends are.

Most of the posters in this thread are just like chimpanzees on MDMA, full of feelings of bonhomie, joy, and optimism. Fred99 8/4/21

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#2377669 18-Dec-2019 12:26

@PsychoSmiley each month gets a little bit easier. Friends and paid services (eg lawn guy) really can help. I had to have a lawn guy, as while my son was 0-2 years old I couldn't really walk due to an injury - recovering from that made a huge difference.

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#2377671 18-Dec-2019 12:27

We accepted early on that having kids was going to be a financial hit and that it was going to hard work, so we spent extra money on some help for us. Someone to mow our lawns, a few hours a week or sometimes more of home help, someone to assist with the cleaning of the house.

It can be hard to accept or ask for help, but there isn't any shame on it, and to hell with anyone who looks down their nose at you as a result.

The day one of my wifes friends turned up with a huge pot of casserole for us, I nearly cried.

If you know someone who has a new baby or may be struggling, this is the gift I'd recommend for them :) We have made a point of doing it in return. It's always appreciated.

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#2377679 18-Dec-2019 12:34

Senecio:
jonathan18:

Having to listen to childless adults pontificate on what you and other parents are doing wrong, and how child-rearing should be done, while simply having no idea of the realities and difficulties of parenting.

Similarly, reading/hearing the rants of misopedists.

STFU, I reckon...

I don’t understand what makes some people think they are qualified to comment. I have no children, but I would never try to tell a parent what they are doing wrong as I’m obviously not qualified. The same way that I would never tell a heart surgeon how to fix a ruptured aorta.

There is a middle ground here. If a heart surgeon is trying to fix a ruptured aorta with a pool noodle and some garden shears, I would probably feel comfortable about speaking up.

If a parent is unapologetically letting their child run riot and damage things in a public space, I will call it as sh*t parenting. If their kid is bullying someone else's kid and they won't do anything about it despite being aware, I will call it as sh*t parenting. If a parent is refusing to vaccinate their kid because of mystic woo or autism fears...etc. You get the picture!

Yes, the daily nuances of parenting are generally outside of my direct personal experience and always will be and thus I won't stick my oar in unless asked for advice or if I see a genuine threat to safety or health.

That said, to unilaterally discount someone's decades of life experience and their ability to apply that to child-rearing even if they are child free, is just as ignorant as those who are child-free making snap, uninformed judgements about the parenting ability of others.

PsychoSmiley

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#2377744 18-Dec-2019 13:06

The thing that sucks for my wife and I is that we are doing it solo. Both our families are in Australia. We have nobody to back us up so my poor wife has to endure all day with no support. Our friend network is minimal here and even then they work during the day.

Another thing to add is physical strain. The 4 months of child rearing has done more physical damage to our bodies than anything before it. I've been a prolific gamer for all my life (I'm 35 now) and nothing from decades prior from poor posture and repetitive action can match the abuse that our hands, shoulders and back are so tired/sore from carrying/picking up/jigglying/bouncing with him. Once again my poor wife has it even worse than me.

timmmay

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#2377766 18-Dec-2019 13:23

Doing it without family support makes it pretty tough - same here. Wait until your baby is 3 years old, weighs 15 kg, and wants to be carried everywhere!

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